Pre-Ramble
I find myself saying it time and again, BEING HUMAN IS HARD! We all want the same things, have the same basic needs and many of us share the same imperfections. The only way to be shielded from it all is to not show up....Humans act like humans and that sucks often.
Last week I spoke about caring what people think. I quickly identified, that for many of us, we later realize that we can only care about what the RIGHT people think....but, what happens when they throw shade?
I suppose we need to first ask "who are the RIGHT people?" but even then, giving anyone that "badge" can easily lead to disappointment or worse. And do we ever take pause and ask, "am I surrounded by the RIGHT people?" I suppose many of us do and answers can only be correctly disseminated in context....the right people for what? Mix in goals or objectives, context is everything....
But there is a certain universal quality that I believe that every RIGHT person must possess. KINDNESS.
What is kindness?
Google yielded:
Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and caring toward others. It involves acting with good intentions to help people, ease distress, or bring joy without expecting a reward. It can also mean showing self-care and compassion toward yourself
The concept is quite simple and seems straight forward enough. The issue isn't kindness, it is that pesky human condition with which we all contend. Let's face it, there are many times when we may not have the strength to be kind.....when we are hurt for whatever reason, our actions are often governed by our emotional state, and often we become selfish - acting on our need to process pain masqueraded in a retaliatory or defensive manner.
It is likely that we have all behaved this way and/or been the recipient of someone else doing the same.
BUT (yay!!! another post with a BIG BUT!), the lack of KINDNESS isn't enough to dismiss someone as being the RIGHT person; not at all....if we were to write people off for being people, then surely we will find ourselves in a lonely world. And, it is equally important to understand the RIGHT people aren't necessarily those who stroke our ego or refrain from offering sincere opinions.
Getting more into KINDNESS...Kindness isn't flattery. Nor is KINDNESS window dressing..... One can't claim kindness publicly and then privately engage in unkindness. KINDNESS is a code of sorts. It is possible to disagree on anything and be kind.....Not just behaving kind in front of that person or in the public arena.....no---kindness is the vessel though which we are able to tactfully navigate diversity in a respectful and manner free from ill intention. KINDNESS is strength! It is having the strength to withhold retribution or engage in ugliness no matter how reasonably it may be deserved. KINDNESS is the ability to forgive people for their humanity.....the fact is that KINDNESS is hard to achieve without self-confidence. And worse, that confidence is often built upon humility that gets misinterpreted as arrogance.
So, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE RIGHT PEOPLE throw shade on our art? (after all, isn't that what this was supposed to be about?)
Join me next week as I stumble my way through my grey matter index of confusion.....
Troves of love,
DC
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